To Kill Abuse.

Author’s Note:  Here is another excerpt from my “Shit I wrote in High school” catalogue.

I am alone.  They left me here.  I don’t think they are coming back for a while.  It would be nice if they never come back, but I doubt I am that lucky.  Fuck, I want a coffee.  I bet they are going to verify what I told them.  I didn’t lie.  It’s all true.

They picked me up at my apartment about a half hour ago.  I did not fight them, but they insisted that I have hand cuffs on anyways.  I surrendered, but asked if they would turn off the lights and the radio in my apartment before we left.  There was no point in leaving them on since I knew I wasn’t coming back for a long time, if ever.  They willingly obliged.

I was quite surprised that the police arrived forty-five minutes after I dialed 911.  I would have thought that since I had confessed to a murder, the police would be storming down my door as I hung up the receiver.   But I guess they have more important things to worry about than murder.  They never showed up when I called three months ago.  No one died that day though.  Well, not really.

Three hours ago, I had been cleaning my apartment.  I had only moved there a week earlier and it was a dump.  I hadn’t even unpacked my things yet.  I had turned on the radio for some company when his song came on.  His favourite song.  I turned the volume up and cranked the bass to its maximum.  The bass beats were so loud that it seemed as if they were competing with the beating of my own heart.

I though about how much easier my life would be if he wasn’t around.  I thought about how my life could start again now that I had left him.  Even though he doesn’t share the bed with me anymore, I can still feel his presence.  I had left him, but I wasn’t over him.  He doesn’t have to be in the same room as me in order for to feel as though he is still raping me.  That is something that I will have to live with.  He is in my head and speaks to me like a voice from my subconscious.  I thought about how much easier my life would be if he died.  I thought about it for a long time.  And then I started to plan… a plan so loosely woven, it almost appeared chaotic.

I knew he wouldn’t be home until 3:47pm, so I left for his place at 3, giving me enough time to prepare for when he entered the back door.  He was bigger and stronger than me, but if I planned it just right, I could conquer him.  I let myself into his apartment, my old home, using the key he kept hidden inside of a mitten in the mail box.

3:47pm came at last.  When his car pulled into the driveway, I got into the position in the hallway off of the kitchen and prepared for what I had practiced a few minutes before.  He walked through the back door and followed his usual drop his bag in the middle of the floor, hang up his keys, reach for a drink habit.  I stepped out the darkness of the hallway and into the kitchen.

“Can I have a hug?” I asked.  His expression turned from mild shock, to a smirk of sheer enjoyment.

“Yes, but know that it will be awhile before you are forgiven for pulling this stunt.”

“Of course,” I said and stepped into his outstretched arms.  He held me tight and stroked my hair.  He then grabbed a handful of it and pulled on it so I had no choice but to look at his face.

“I won’t punish you this time, but next time I will.”

I smiled coyly up at him. “There won’t be a next time.”  I squeezed him a little tighter while I pulled out the knife I had hidden in my sleeve.  I pushed the knife into his back, and pulled down it as hard as I could.  It must have hit a bone because it didn’t move very far.  When he realized what I had done, he held me out from him and slapped me across the face, but as he did so, the knife in his back jabbed him painfully.

I stepped forward and raked my nails across his face, pay back for all the damage he had done to my face over the years.  Blood streamed from eight miniature rivers on his face.  He backed up, wincing in pain, but forgot that his bag was on the floor behind him and tripped over it.  He fell backwards, his feet coming straight out in front of him, and he landed flat on his back.  He didn’t move for a long time.  A blood spot formed on the front of his dress shirt and on closer inspection, it was because the knife had gone straight through him.  The tip of the knife could be seen.

I left his apartment and headed towards my own.  I called the police as soon as I arrived.  Once I hung up, I went to the living room window to watch for their arrival.  I crouched in front of it, knees in my armpits, avoiding sitting on furniture for fear of getting blood on it.

I crouched like that for 45 minutes, waiting, and passed the time by picking pieces of his face out from under my finger nails.


Reverse 100 Item Challenge

One of the blogs I read, the same one which motivated me to go vegan, Be More with Less has posted a new challenge.   I am not a minimalist by any means , and I am not even sure that is my ultimate goal, but I can say that reducing my footprint on earth and in my life has made a difference in the way I look at things, and value things.  Some of the challenges seem a bit too extreme for me (like reducing my whole wardrobe to just 33 items.  Living in Canada where you need both winter and summer clothes with in the same week, makes it seem impossible to me.  Plus, I just really love my clothes.) but this one intrigued me and I’m happy to report that I accepted the challenge and completed it.
The basic goal of the challenge was to reduce your ‘stuff’ by 100 items.   The goal is to complete this before the holidays but since the holidays are going to be crazy I had extended my due date to December 31.  It also asks for a low resolution pictures to be sent of all the stuff I’m getting rid of, but I’m going to purging as I go, not collecting it for one big purge, so I do not have pictures.    I can only image how many shots I would have to take in order to get all of it.  I felt the need to get the stuff out of the house as soon as possible before it had the chance to migrate back into a new hiding space.
I am a little embarrassed by how easily I was able to complete this.  I honestly thought I was on top of keeping my ‘stuff’ to a minimum, but I easily reached my target ahead of my planned schedule and I know I could have kept going and probably will. The challenge was more enjoyable than I though It would be, and I learned a bit about myself in the process. It was such a good experience that I’ve decided to make it a yearly challenge that has been added to The List.  (I can hear my husband groaning as he reads this.)
So, without further delay, I give you my final Reverse 100 item Challenge tally.
1. Iron board
2. Swiffer vac (Nothing wrong with these, they worked very well in our apartment.  It however doesn’t even make a dent in lur hluse before needing to be charged again.)
3. 1 large salad bowl
4. 2 smaller salad bowls
5. 2 popcorn buckets and 3 movie theatre buckets
6. 1 car seat
7. 1 bottle of rice syrup
8. 1 bottle of corn syrup
9. 1 package of coconut flour (Thanks Steven and Chris!)
10. 2 flashlights
11. 1 bottle of sunscreen
12. 2 bottles of Off
13. Expire coupons
14. Chinese food plum sauce packages (chinese food is the one ‘order in’ food that doesn’t cause issues, so there was a fair amount, from various locations.)
15. A disturbingly large amount of Bread bag twist ties
16. 3 locks, combination forgotten
17. 4 spice bottles I never did refill
18. 5 margarita glasses
19. 8 hats
20. 1 busted blackberry
21. 1 torn summer comforter
22. 3 wire hangers
23. 22 wash clothes
24. 1 tea towel
25. 1 apron
26. 1 toothbrush
27. 1 hair remover kit that didn’t work, even when aged
28. 2 ties
29. 2 scarves
30. 1 lanyard
31. 1 pair of overalls
32. 1 Barbie bathtub
33. 1 pile of Barbie clothes
34. 1 transvestite Barbie (It turns out that this was actually Sporty Spice)
35. 2 magazines
36. 1 bra, missing underwire on one side.
37. 1 random basket of junk from the basement (including the basket it was in)
38. 7 t-shirts
39. 1 tablet case
40. 24 empty dvd cases
41. 1 magazine rack
42. 2 dvd players
43. 6 cook books
44. 1 fist full of pens
45. Old Avon catalogues
46. 1 punch bowl
47. Unused cleaning products
48. 1 busted laundry basket
49. 1 picnic basket
50. 1 garbage bag full of the girl’s clothes.
51. Baby monitor
52. Garter (I don’t even remember where it came from.)
53. 1 cell phone case
54. 3 pj pants
55. 1 standee (remnant from Hubby’s BBV days)
56. 2 broken sprinklers
57. 2 watches
58. 1 bird feeder
59. I picture frame
60. One toy rack
61. 2 candle lanterns
62. 2 Chargers for things I no longer own
63. 1 bathroom set, towel rack (it came with the house)
64. Old PC games
65. One purse organizer (and whatever was in it.  No, I didn’t look first.)
66. Coasters
67. 2 belts
68. 2 easter baskets
69. 1 busted speaker
70. 3 refillable wipe holders
71. 3 single socks, mates long lost
72. Bath toys (No, not mine)
73. 30 cm high stack of knitting patterns
74. 2 arm chairs
75. 2 couches
76. 1 futon frame
77. 1 high chair
78. 1 Bumbo chair, and booster seat
79. 1 crib and mattress
80. 1 bassinette
81. Table set
82. One dart board case, bought with the house
83. 1 bag of Christmas gift bags
84. 1 Excersaucer
85. 2 busted strollers
86. 1 coffee table
87. 1 large tube TV
88. 1 VCR
89. 1 box of random cables
90. 1 busted lawn mower
91. 1 Christmas tree
92. 1 apartment sized dryer stand
93. Basketball backboard
94. 1 printer
95. 1 toaster oven
96  Various dishes
97.  3 busted breast pumps (No, I don’t have 3 nipples, just a knack for breaking pumps.)
98. 1 rolling office chair (busted)
99. 30 books
100. And finally, one box of ’80’s Penthouse magazines. No, these were not ours. These were an other thing we apparently bought with the house.
So, what did I learn?
A: I have too much shit.
B: My house is too big for us, and the hiding places for said ‘shit’ are many.
C: While I can’t blame it all on other people, I do have to say about 10 percent of what I purged belonged to other people. They’ve asked to store things at my house temporarily, and then never returned for them. Sorry, your lease ran out.  I learned that not only do I let other people clutter up my house, but I also let them clutter up my life.  There is a difference between having people involved in my life and having them invade my life.
D: During the purging, I ‘found’ boxes of Christmas gifts I was supposed to give away last year.  Now, its no secret that I start Christmas shopping on Dec 26th of the previous year, so I have a whole year to find deals, unique items and so on.  I always record on a spreadsheet what I’ve purchased, the amount, and whom it is for.  However last year, our house was broken into, and one of the items taken was my laptop, where my spreadsheet was.  I reconstructed the spreadsheet as best as I could, but apparently I missed quite a few gifts.  Come Christmas day, I didn’t notice any void in any one’s gift, and the stored gifts went unnoticed.  So what have I learned?  I need to focuss more on getting one meaningful gift, instead of just the best deal.  Multiple gifts don’t matter much if its just for the sake of meeting some volume quota I have made up in my head.  I learned I need to focus on the joy of giving, not just crossing a task off my list.
I already know what my New Years resolution is going to be…. focus on the experience, not the souvenirs…